I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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