pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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