She tied me up with her honor cords...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
