1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
