Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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