And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
