How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
