my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
