We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize