this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Randomize
