she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
