It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
