take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
