I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
40s are totally the cure
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
