another moral hangover. fuck.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
