i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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