It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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