People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
