I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
