She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
