i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
