You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
