Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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