I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
