i may or may not be watching the land before time
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
