dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
