My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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