Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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