It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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