I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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