just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
