Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
