butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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