Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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