He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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