now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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