Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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