so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This toilet bowl is my home.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize