i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
