**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
