im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
