i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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