honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
