Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
