the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
