sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
