Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
