my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
