Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish you could order shots online.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize