Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
