the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
