She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
