My friends, they love my intelligence
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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