i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
