you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
