Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
