I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
