she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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