Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize