at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
