I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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