ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
