Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
