On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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