I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
