Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
