i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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