so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
