The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
