Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You smell like stripper and shame
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize