I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
