Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
