ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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