i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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