Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
