I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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