Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
