I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize