hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Randomize
