youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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