So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
