I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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