I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
