if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
