but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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