Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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