Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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