A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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