my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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