I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
