Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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