nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
we're so committed to being not committed
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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