I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
