awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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