I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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