coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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