That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
