Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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