thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
